I’m Jamie Pearson, writer, mother of two, and founder of Travel Savvy Mom.

The idea for Travel Savvy Mom was hatched in 2003 when my 3-year-old daughter threw up in a hotel dining room in Belgium. In the mortifying moments that followed, I caught the vomit in my cupped hand, called to the waiter for help, and was (eventually) handed a single paper napkin.

But I digress.

Welcome to my web site, and also to my blogging debut. To kick things off, I’m going to examine the baffling phenomenon of useless family travel tips. They’re popping up like toadstools all over the web, and are clearly geared toward the thinking impaired (i.e., not us). These tips come in three basic flavors: the Blinding Flash of the Obvious, the Smugly Patronizing, and the Just Plain Bizarre.

Take our fun quiz to see if you can spot the subtle differences!

1. Bring plenty of snacks. Now I don’t know about you, but I noticed early on my children’s propensity to periodically, you know, consume food.
2. Make frequent bathroom stops. Ditto urinating.
3. Bring a change of clothing on the plane. Ditto barfing.
4. Visit kid friendly attractions. Or as your second grader will be happy to clarify for you, Petting Zoos > Cathedrals.
5. Bring your child’s lovey. What sane person would leave the driveway—let alone the country—without the freaking lovey?
6. Bring small gifts for people you might befriend on your trip. Yes, and also bring black tie attire in case you’re invited to dine at Buckingham Palace. And your scuba gear. And your rock collection. And a complete set of encyclopedias.
7. Bring a metal cookie sheet to corral small toys and crayons on airplane tray tables. See #6.
8. Write your cell phone number on your children’s arm with a Sharpie. I actually kind of like this one, though obviously it sets a bad precedent and could easily lead to Sharpie beards and Sharpie pirate mustaches after, say, a few cocktails.
9. Buy postcards in the museum gift shop so your children can search for “their” paintings and sculptures treasure hunt-style. This nugget of wisdom was obviously brought to us by a person who has never visited an actual museum gift shop with an actual child.
10. To build anticipation, let your kids pack their own bags. What kind of anticipation would that be exactly? The what-would-it-be-like-to-wear-Superman-pajamas-to-the-Louvre kind of anticipation? Umm, no thanks.

Did you answer B, B, B, S, B, J, J, J, S, J? If so, you probably have a mountain of unfolded, clean laundry somewhere in your house. Same here.

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If you liked this post, check out our Top 10 Family Travel Tips You Can Actually Use.