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side·track (sīd´trăk): n. 1. A diversion from the main course. 2. A detour taken with children that you would never, ever take without them.
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Who:
The Pearson family. Two adults (one of whom spoke French very badly, the other not at all) and two children aged 2 and 4.

What and Where:
Les Escargots de L’Odon. A Snail Farm in rural Calvados, France that ostensibly offered tours to the public.

Why:
Three straight days of wet weather in Normandy in January had us scrambling for an indoor activity, and my husband absolutely insisted on stopping here. He tried to badger me into calling the farm for tour information, but I refused. So he called himself. “What did they say?” I asked when he finally hung up. He just shrugged. In retrospect, they must have said, “Non, non, non. We only do zee tours in zee summer.”

The Low Point:
There was more than one. First the snail farmer opened the door in his pajamas. I sort of remember he was scratching his crotch, but I could have made that part up. He obviously felt sorry for us, because he gave us an abbreviated tour of the facilities (including the snail breeding room), even though it was out of season. He spoke no English, and his pantomimed explanation of snail copulation haunts me to this day. Our 4-year-old daughter kept saying, “What is that smell?” Then we bought a dozen garlic butter snails and fled.

The Kids’ Take:
An absolutely bewildering experience. Ten points off for having to drive around for the rest of the day with a baggie of unrefrigerated garlic snails in the car.

The Bottom Line:
I cannot recommend this excursion to anyone under any circumstances, and will probably never let my husband live it down.

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Snail Farm disaster notwithstanding, we loved Normandy. We stayed at La Cour aux Bourgeois, and loved that too.

October 13th, 2008 | by Jamie Pearson 7 comments